Stronger

Lost hater,
I tried to reach the handle,
And she helped me.

Lost anxiety, I followed the crowd,
And the mussel went AWOL,
And then I lost a pound,
but licked a lolly,
And later, understood the meaning of friendship.

I took the acclaim,
Even when it wasn't meant.
And loved my elders.

Marina didn't have a gearstick,
But she knew how to move,
Two black eyes from a bash in the nose.

Stomach aches that went away with confidence,
And kicking the door with fear.
Wonderful advice,
The like of which I'm not likely to forget.

Funny bone feelings,
And pencil manipulating,
Secular, clerical - the difference between right and wrong.
Pass, and fail.
Clearing on, and clearing off.
First pangs of disappointment,

Brilliant summer days in solitude,
Marking them with marker pens,
And dreaming, dreaming, dreaming.
But not finding the girl
Who sat beneath the window.
Before leaving.

Recognising disappointment is a prerequisite of abandonment,
And embracing the new world,
And feeling good, despite the enemy that is poverty.
Taking her as a friend, but never a lover.

Having a whirled brain
Helps moving along.

Taking the friendship of people,
For a given with the taken.
Buying cleaner to mend the leaks in the carpet,
And not letting on.

Solitude, and goodbyes, and apologies,
And new starts all meant to synchronise yourself,
With the world.

And finding things about yourself
That neither kill you off
Nor make you stronger.